There is a lot of power in commitment in sexuality. I feel many sex issues are the result of some unresolved and hidden commitment problems in the relationship. Most people do not realize that we really manifest exactly what we are committed to. However, usually there is some unconscious element to what we manifest.
For example, take a person that is over weight. They tell you they want to lose weight but behind the scenes they can't stop having french fries, ice cream and mars bars. On one level they tell you that they want to loose weight but deep down their true agreement with themselves is to eating food that makes them overweight.
There is usually some unresolved issue around this. For example, a woman might have some deep issues about men and does like the attention of men. One way out of this is to put on weight to be unattractive. Many times, many of us have a feeling of a lack of love from our parents. We do not love themselves on all levels and if this feeling is strong, one can support this belief by choosing and remaining in abusive relationships.
Let's turn to sexual issues. One common issue for men is that they are not getting enough sex. The relationship started with a lot of great sex in the early days but now sex is only a few times a month or even less. One common woman's issue is that there is little emotional connection with the man and these results in a reduced desire for sex.
The following can be a really challenging thought as it challenges us to be totally responsible for your actions. Most of us get in to the blame game to avoid taking personal responsibility.
We manifest what we are committed to.
Let's use the above example what I would say if they were my clients. I ask the man to say the statement: ''I am committed to not getting much sex''. I ask the woman to make a statement: ''I am committed to having little emotional connection with my partner''.
At times my clients have trouble making the statements. If the man has trouble making this commitment I ask a few questions. For example I ask him has he read any books on tantra lately. Has he done any workshops on sexuality? Another question I ask is how have many new things has he tried with his lover recently? A third question I ask is how long does lovemaking usually take? Usually the man realizes that he has some sort of hidden commitment problem and he's happy to make the above statement.
I then asked the clients to make a new commitment. For the above example, I asked the man to make a commitment to having more connected sex and for the woman in the above example to make a commitment to the emotionally available.
Once they have made a commitment to change, we explore options and simple practices to enhance the beauty, love, power, intimacy and connection in sex.
Many times we attract partners that a similar in some ways to our mother or father. Unresolved issues in the upbringing surface again in our relationships. If your father was an emotionally distant from us, many women choose a man that is emotionally distant because she feels comfortable and familiar in this situation. It reminds her of the childhood. She might say she wants an emotionally committed relationship, but she chooses men that are not emotionally available. Sometimes the pattern continues in relationship after relationship.
I feel relationships are for personal growth. Issues in our relationship are great opportunities to grow. From my personally experience and many of my clients, I have found that focusing on our sexuality has a lot of power to improve all aspects of our relationships.
For example if you improve how you communicate in sex you'll find communication in your relationship outside the bedroom much improved.
Are you committed to boring sex?
Then make a new commitment to manifest what you really want in your sexuality. This could be the opposite of what you have been experiencing in sex to date.
Another agreement could be if for you to start to really explore your sexuality. How about a commitment to try something new each time you make
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