If you're a plus size gal struggling with excess weight and a negative body image, you're not alone. And help is on the way. As part of the growing "Self Acceptance-Love Your Body" movement to encourage women to expand their definition of beauty, feel better about themselves and embrace their bodies, there has been a flood of media attention aimed at empowering women. Lifetime's reality TV show, "How to Look Good Naked" hosted by Carson Kressley focuses on helping women rediscover their confidence and find self love by giving them the tools to improve their negative and distorted body images.
Kelly Park's SOS Cry for Help, "I hate my body."
After gaining 90 pounds post pregnancy, newly married mom, Kelly Park had lost the spark in her marriage. Once filled with body confidence, Kelly's changing shape caused her to question her beauty, sense of worth and sex appeal. Assuming that her body revolted her husband, John, she stopped having sex with him and for the next five years they slept in separate beds. Kelly inspires other women by sharing her story of how she learned to love and appreciate her curvier, heavier mommy body after being on the show, "How to Look Good Naked."
Hi Kelly. This is fabulous. I'm so excited to get a chance to speak with you. I think that you're an amazing role model for women.
Aw. Thank you so much.
Please tell me a bit about what your life was like before you had the baby.
I was always kind of small boned. I had small breasts and a small body and I got married, fell in love with this incredible person and he accepted me for everything I was and was not. Then I had a baby, And the baby weight never went away. Suddenly from out of nowhere these feelings popped up. I became filled with self doubt, self loathing, feelings of ugliness, non sexiness, I was thinking of myself as a horrible person because I was so invisible. I wasn't pretty. I wasn't worthy. My clothes didn't fit and food was my friend and I went through all these different things that I thought that I would never experience in my life, because I had such high self esteem and it lasted for years.
What were some of the things that you were thinking after you had the baby?
I used to think, "Well I'm just a momma." I can't be sexy. I can't wear beautiful underwear and do they even make underwear in my size? I just didn't understand anything and there was no intimacy in our marriage for a very, very, very difficult, very long time. It was tragic when I look back. I gave a lot of energy to my daughter, which was great, but there was never any room or any time left over for my husband and that's how I wanted it to be. That was my perfect world, cause then by the time 11:00 rolls around, I'm tired, and there was always an excuse, always.
And then there would be times when my husband would want to get sweet with me, he would want to touch me and I'd say, "Well I don't see what you see. I don't see why you would want to do that with me. I just don't see it. I don't have a little tiny waist. You know. I don't wear a size 2. I had large breasts and a round tummy and I didn't find myself sexy at all. There was nothing remotely in my mind sexy or approachable at all about me.
And it was a downward spiral. I was scared. I was scared of losing him. I was scared of being in a situation like my mom with a baby and being divorced and being a single mom, but it just wasn't enough for me to change. I wasn't scared to the point where I needed to change. I knew something was wrong and something didn't feel right about my feelings but I didn't know how to approach them. I didn't talk to other women about it. We didn't discuss it really in my family. It was just, that's just Kelly.
So I just got bigger and bigger and food became my, even better friend. I started to shy away from my family and my friends, the people I love and care about. I hid behind large clothes. It was bad. I would never. I mean never, never purchase any clothes unless something ripped, or something caught on fire. It would have to be a total necessity, not like Wow, look at that color. That's gorgeous. It was never like that and I started to shop in the maternity ward of Macy's and different department stores because it was easy. It was one size. It was a large or Xtra large and I put it on and that was it. I didn't have to make a fuss, or anything. I would also satisfy his needs by telling him I bought some clothes. He'd say, "Oh, you bought something new." And he would never say, "Kel, what are you doing. These are maternity clothes. He would just accept it.
No comments:
Post a Comment