Cosmo Challenge: Go to a bar or restaurant where there's a single-stall bathroom. Stop inside together and make out.
As you may or may not remember from my last blog, 77 Positions in 77 Days, D. and I were once escorted out of a bar for trying to get busy in a bathroom stall. (And I once got kicked out of a bar at college for bringing a guy in with me.) But bouncers and rules be damned! I would not let a history of making-out-in-public-bathrooms problems stop us from completing the challenge at hand. (That said, we took extreme measures not to get noticed by anyone who worked at the bar. Because, honestly, if we were kicked out of a bar for a third time, my friends might start to judge and call me an exhibitionist behind my back.)
D. and I were at a friend's birthday party that had devolved into nothing more than a Thirsty Thursday. Read: everyone was pretty boozed up. Read: they wouldn't notice if D. and I sneaked away for a few minutes. I wasn't drinking (headache) and D. had drank only a couple beers so we were very sober compared to the rest of the group. Which I think worked in our favor. (If we were to flash back to the past two times I attempted this—and was subsequently booted—you would see that I was far from sober and that's ultimately what got me caught. Basically, what I'm saying is don't get silly-drunk and try this challenge. It's one that's much better executed with your wits about you.
D. and I stood by the beer pong table and when everyone around us seemed completely riveted by the game, I whispered to D., "Three minutes. Bathroom. Prepare to suck face."
And then I proceeded to shimmy on over to the bar. (That's the second secret to completing this challenge without getting caught: don't both head over to the bathroom together. Amateur mistake. Dead giveaway.) Once I was sure no one was looking (and yes, I did feel a bit like the female James Bond, in case you're wondering) I walked over to the bathroom, which was around a corner. A minute later D. joined me.
We locked the door and operation makeout commenced. We knew from the beginning we weren't going to have sex in there, but we hadn't discussed in detail exactly what we would do. We just said we'd just play it by ear.
Well, apparently "play it by ear" means "finger blasting" in D.'s dictionary...
We started by just kissing. Then D. stuck his hand up my dress and started caressing my thighs. And ladies, I'm not going to, ahem, beat around the bush. I got wet really quickly. I think it was a combination of the the fact that I knew we could get caught and the urgency of the situation. D. didn't even remove my underwear. He just pushed them aside and inserted two fingers in me. He alternated stroking my G-spot and rubbing my clitoris. And within about three minutes (or the length of one song played by the DJ on just the other side of the wall), I climaxed. And here's where we come to lesson number three: do this challenge in a loud bar. When I climaxed, I got suuuper loud. OK, some of it might have been slightly exaggerated just for the hell of it. Hey, when else can you yell, "Oh, D., yes, yes, yesssss!" in a public place?
After my little show, I slumped against D. and told him that this was one of the best birthday parties I'd ever been to.
After basking in the moment for, oh, 15 seconds (everything's accelerated when there's potentially someone standing outside waiting to use the bathroom), we gathered ourselves and I reached for the door handle.
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