Discover the real reason he's not in the mood (hint: it's not you).

An Affair

“You’ll likely be too hurt and angry after your partner confesses infidelity to even want to have sex,” says Dr. Schwartz. But if you decide to stay together, you can work with a counselor—and with each other—to understand why it happened, reestablish trust and rebuild your relationship in a healthier way. Dr. Queen recommends assessing what will make you feel most appreciated, loved and desired going forward. “Tell your partner what those things are and find out what they are in your partner’s case, too.” Eventually, having sex can help the two of you regain emotional intimacy.

Death of a Loved One

As you mourn your loss, it’s essential that you communicate your grief so your partner is aware of it and will be patient with you when it comes to resuming sex. “Tell him how you feel so he can get a sense that you are suffering and not just rejecting him,” says Dr. Schwartz. “Then make time together to share what makes you feel alive and happy even as you are honoring your loss. A one-time event, such as a hiking trip, or a change in your routine, like adopting a puppy, can help you bring back the joy from which sexual energy flows. And when you’re ready to have sex again, know that studies show that physical intimacy can help relieve depression and emotional pain.” Photo: Marcus Lindstrom / Thinkstock