Rediscover Sex After 10 Stressful Situations

here's a lot more that contributes to a healthy sex life than romantic dinners and skimpy lingerie. When your life has been rocked by major events, like illness, job loss and foreclosure, it's likely that the last thing you want to do is stoke the flames of passion. “Trauma can temporarily quash the chemical signals that affect arousal and desire,” says Holly Hein, PhD, a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist and the author of However, it’s important to note that Dr. Hein says the negative affects are just temporary—there is, in fact, a way to bring your mojo back. To put the heat back into your love life, read these tips tailored to different libido-stealing situations.

Childbirth

You’re up all night changing diapers, you have stitches down there and your bloodstream is being flooded with a hormone called oxytocin, causing you to focus on bonding with your baby—not making love to your partner. “On top of these physical changes come emotional ones,” says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and author of t “You’ve gone from being a lover to a parent, your vagina is now a birth canal and your breasts are for feeding a child.” Despite these seismic shifts, you can pave the way to a complete return of sexual functioning (which usually happens slowly, over the course of three to six months) by being physically affectionate now. “For most women, being embraced and touched is the most important form of foreplay,” says Carol Queen, PhD, Staff Sexologist at Good Vibrations in San Francisco and the author ofExhibitionism for the Shy. “A post-partum woman will likely be ready for sex sooner if this physical link is respected and not avoided. So reach out for hugs, hold hands and kiss—even when the two of you are holding the baby.” Once you’re both comfortable with leaving the baby, create time for physical intimacy in your hectic new-mom schedule by having a friend or family babysit so you and your husband can enjoy some alone time together. Even if you don’t have sex, make sure your date night ends with a few minutes of cuddling in each other’s arms.